Let's kill them all..

xjohnxclydex @ 2008-06-18T14:39:00

2008-06-18T18:44:10Z

alright so i dont know if im ready to start writing in this again. ive had a writers block since before i went to college, and now its been just about a year since i really last wrote anything.

i started an entry that i never posted, the night before i left college. it got saved and popped up when i went to post this entry.

"i can't believe how sad it is saying goodbye to all my friends. i always knew this day would come and i guess i was preparing for a while but man... this is so difficult"

makes me think of how sad it was to say goodbye, and how much things have changed in a year. i feel like a completely different person than i am now.

i realized one reason i dont write in this anymore is cause i really stopped listening to music. i mean i didnt STOP listening to music all together, but i stopped really listening to it. well im getting into it again and its getting me to be more "inspired" or whatever. well if anyone still reads this or anything that'd be cool, ill try to update it more.

OH and how can i forget todays my 19th birthday. sooo happy birthday to me!

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-07-31T16:14:00

2007-07-31T20:52:45Z

so what a summer it has been so far. i'll begin by discussing what has just happened to me. if anyone reading this hasnt heard i spent the last few nights in the hospital recovering from a virus that ended up in my heart. i had been suffering from a fever for a few nights and to make a long story short i ended up having extremely intense chest pain that was basically crippelling. i went to the emergency room where they ended up doing tests and what not and they decided to send me to schneider's children's hospital because of the condition. i went in friday night and i came home monday night. basically it was a terrible experience. its not even one of those experiences where it's like "oh it was terrible, but i did learn alot", not at all actually. i mean i guess i did learn alot and it made me really appreciate what doctors and nurses do for people, but honestly i wish it didnt happen at all. i wouldnt wish what happened to me upon my worst enemy. but i'm home now. and i should be good.

the most important thing to me right now is thanking everyone who showed their concern, especially all my friends and family who came and stayed with me. you have no idea how much i appreciate it and i hope you all know i'll be there for you whenever you need me.

during my time in the hospital i did get to think alot. i thought alot about what i'm going to do now taht i'm going to college. and how excited i am to be going away. i've honestly never felt this way before because for so long i wanted to stay young forever. now i finally feel like things have changed and i wanna go away more than anyhting and start a new life. i loved high school more than anything. it feels so weird to be considered an adult now. it's like.. i'll watch tv shows and movies about teenagers and for so long, even as a kid, i could relate to them. now that i'm considered an adult now its harder for me to relate.

but yeah i'll be going away soon. i dont know how much longer im going to keep updating this because i've had it now for a good three years. until then ill cya all.

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-05-24T23:31:00

2007-05-25T03:35:44Z

i'm about to hang up my clothes for the last day of high school. finally the routine of laying out my uniform every day is over. it feels so weird. it's really the only thing i've ever known. but now it's finally over.
it's funny how things work. i remember when i first made this livejournal in may of freshman year i always imagined how my posts would be as a senior leaving high school and now its happening.
tomorrow i'll be at the beach at around 5 am to watch the sunrise with my classmates and it should be a pretty awesome experience, i've always wanted to do it. but yeah the next couple of days are gonna be pretty monumental. i'll write more about them when they happen..

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-05-17T00:18:00

2007-05-17T04:19:44Z

It was one moment I swear I’ll never forget. We were all together in that backyard for probably one of the last times ever. It was easily one of the hottest days of the summer. The sun beating down heavily, but it wasn’t the heat that carried it, it was its brightness. It was in that one moment that I turned around and looked at everyone, sitting or standing, laughing or frowning, talking or being silent. It was in that moment with the people I spent these last four years. Some of whom I spent most of my life with and now we were finally going on to be adults. I looked at all of these people who help shape my life with me. Then I suddenly felt like a teenager again, and then I suddenly felt like a kid again! I realized that even though I didn’t live in that backyard it was still a place I could call home, and that’s how I'd always feel about it. As I finished looking at everyone I looked at the sun, and I let it carry me away with it’s brightness.

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-04-02T22:49:00

2007-04-03T02:51:13Z

I did this a long while ago. I can't even find mine anymore so I updated it. enjoy..

THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE LIFE OF BRIAN LUPO as of 4/2/2007

opening credits:: "The Mars Volta – Son Et Lumiere..Inertiatic E.S.P"
waking-up scene:: "Say Anything – Yellow Cat/Red Cat”
average-day scene:: "Queen – I Want to Break Free"
best-friend scene/walking down school hallway scene:: "Scraps and Heart Attacks – My Point"
first-date scene:: "Say Anything – Wow, I Can Be Sexual Too"
falling-in-love scene:: "Saves the Day – I’m Sorry I’m Leaving"
dancing around on the bed scene:: "Blink 182 – Going Away to College"
love making scene:: "Ludacris – What’s Your Fantasy"
fight-with-friend scene:: "The Bled – Red Wedding"
break-up scene:: "Smashing Pumpkins - Landslide"
get-back-together:: " The Beach Boys – God Only Knows "
fight-with-an-ex scene:: "Glassjaw – Lovebites and Razorlines"
"life's okay" scene:: "Dustin Kensrue – Consider the Ravens"
heartbreak scene:: "Saves the Day – Sell My Old Clothes I’m Off To Heaven"
mental breakdown scene:: "All Shall Perish – Wage Slaves"
driving scene:: "Dem Franchise Boyz – Ridin’ Rims
deep-thought scene:: "Johnny Cash – Sunday Morning Coming Down”
flashback scene:: "Radiohead – Karma Police"
party scene:: "T.I. – What You Know About That"
dance scene:: "Sugarhill Gang – Apache”
stoner scene:: "Three 6 Mafia – Stay Fly"
regret scene:: "Taking Back Sunday – There’s No ‘I’ In Team"
long-night-alone scene:: "American Football - Stay Home"
crushed scene:: "Thursday – Understanding in a Car Crash"
death scene:: "Brand New – Untitled 03"
closing credits:: "Against Me! – The Disco Before the Breakdown"

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-03-24T01:03:00

2007-03-24T05:04:07Z

dissapointment

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-03-20T14:39:00

2007-03-20T18:54:11Z

alright well i dont really know what i'm writing right now. but i want to write because i've been thinking alot lately (i think alot if you didn't already know), and i realized that i'm happier and more content with myself when i'm reading and writing. i really havent picked up a book in months but i remember points where when i was reading and writing i was really just so damn happy. its hard for me to say that i'm unhappy, but i have been going through some pretty terrible mood swings and it sucks.
i'm coming to the realization that high school is ending and its really hitting me hard. high school is really the period of time between innocence and maturity and now that its almost over i think i'm always going to look back at it like that. senior year has been alot of fun so far. probably the most fun i've had in my life. it's also come with certain dissapointments. i feel like before the year really got going i put an image in my mind of how it was going to end, and now i know that image aint gonna happen. unfortunatly i have to keep doing the bullshit work and assignments i keep getting handed to me. all with thirty something days left i really have no motivation to do any of it. i still need to figure out what college i'm going to. i'm visiting cortland next week and besides that my only other decision really is going to nyit in manhattan. honestly right now im favoring nyit. it sucks that its more money but i feel like i'll be better off there in the long run. i also have the option of staying home and going to farmingdale but i really cant bring myself to stay home any longer. i know that if i dont leave home now i'll regret it. i have basically two months left of senior year and really right now i just gotta get my whole act together and graduate and get everything to be alright. i have to get over my whole "misguided" teen attitude and stop acting like i'm holden caulfield and start moving on.
when someone important told me that they saw success in me earlier this year i was pretty confused. mainly because i wasnt sure if i saw success in myself. but i guess i'll find out soon enough wont i?

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-02-26T23:47:00

2007-02-27T04:47:35Z

havent updated in a while. in desperate need of the cool spring air before the winter drives me completely crazy. i also kinda need to get away so when i go to disney in july that should be so good, i'm really looking foward to it. things look like they'll be getter better in life, i just need to sort everything out which i think i can handle. until then i'll cya, to those whoever still read this.

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-01-07T23:10:00

2007-01-08T04:10:24Z

everything is bad, and everybody is unacceptable.

xjohnxclydex @ 2007-01-01T13:32:00

2007-01-01T17:32:48Z

"it is a new year, i should be happy that i am still here"

well let's hear it for the end of 2006 shall we? certainly a great year it was. it is now 2007 and i have had this livejournal since 2004. that may seem kinda lame and i kinda feel like it is but i guess i just love to write. oh well.

i had a great christmas vacation and everything's been so much fun and all. it's hard to believe that by the end of the year i'll already be done with my first semester of college, and i truly have no plan whatsoever. i seriously do not have a plan. i'm going with the flow, and honestly i dont see anything wrong with that. alot of people can't wait to go away to college, but i'm really gonna miss high school because i'm having such a great time right now and really dont want it to end.

god last night was great. what a good way to bring in the new year with the best people. although we'll all be going to different schools i hope to god this wasnt our last new year together because that would just be terrible.

well theres probably some more i could write. but i love my friends, and my life right now. that's all i have to say about that.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-12-15T00:31:00

2006-12-15T04:31:54Z

The Alcohol
What do you typically drink?    natty... unfortunatly
What's your favorite beer?    i havent had enough to pick a favorite but i really liked dos equi's with lime
What's your favorite shot?    probably something death like whiskey
What's your favorite hard alcohol?     probably jack daniels cause its so cool
What's your least favorite drink?    gin.. ugh
What gets you messed up the most?    gorging myself with beer and hard alcohol usually does it
The Damage From Drinking
Have you ever thrown up?    oh yeah
Have you ever had a hangover?    oh yeah
Have you ever blacked out?    yeap
Have you ever gotten naked?    probably
Have you ever hooked up with someone?    sure
Have you ever drove drunk?    nope
Have you ever woken up not knowing where you were?    sort of.. i guess
Fill in the Blank---The Drunk Stories
One time I...    drank almost a whole bottle of wine to myself while everyone just hung out sober.
Another time I...    convinced people i met the tiger schulman himself and hooked up with his niece.
I really wish I hadn't... told mike it was a good idea to funnell rum
It was so funny when I...    told mike to funnell rum
It wasn't funny when I...    got yelled at by those guys
This and That
How often do you drink?    ehh weekends
When did you start drinking?    end of freshman year i had my first drink
Have you ever gotten in trouble with your parents?    sure
Have you ever gotten in trouble with the cops?    not really. not yet at least.
what kind of drunk are you?
horny?    depends
dumb?    nah im always the smart one
loud?    sure
quiet?    rarely
crazy?    yeap
sick?    occasionally
opposite personality?    nooo
do you forget everything?    not really
do you remember what happens?    for the most part
how well do you hold your alcohol?    ehh im pretty much a lightweight
how many shots does it take to get you drunk?    i guess like 5
how many beers?    i think 6 is the number
ever been crunk?    countless times
How often would you say you drink in a week?    i guess once or twice usually
How many drinks do you usually have when you go out?    as many as i can
What do you MAINLY drink?    beer
Are you a drunk dial person?    yes, and i'd like to use this oppurtunity to appologize to all those girls that i've called. i'm sorry.
Do you ever black out or not remeber when you've drank?    probably happened once or twice.
Do you make out or do things with people that you normally wouldnt?    not really
Are you trying to cut down your drinking? no, in fact if i could drink more i would.
What are you thoughts on drinking?    it just makes everybody so happy.
Do you mainly Party or go to Bars?    party obvs
Do you think you are annoying when you drink?    some people probably find me annoying, but fuck them.
Do you puke alot when you drink?    i'd say i've puked like 7 times in my life from drinking.. but i'm really not sure.
Whats your stand on Beer Bongs?    i love funnells
Do you like shots? If so what of?    yes. anything.
Do you pass out if you drink to much?    it's happened.
Do you think you embarrass yourself alot when you drink? i'd like to hope not

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-12-11T13:51:00

2006-12-11T17:51:47Z

so i stayed home from school today. hooray!
i had a pretty awesome weekend. and it put me in a real good mood.
it started thursday. i had work that night till 10, but right afterwards i went to carols where i had a jolly good time and slept over. the next day was fun just hanging around her house fucking aruond while we were supposed to be cleaning.
after we left her house we got ready for brand new at msg. although i was extremely dissapointed in brand new's set i did have a great time chillin with everyone on the train and in the city and all aruond and shit.
the next day i had a little shindig here at my house and i hope it was enjoyed by all.
yesterday i had work which was annoying as always but its actually starting to get a bit better, so thats good.
today i took off. i need to like catch up in some areas of school before i get a horrendous report card then not get accepted into any colleges.

things are going good honestly for the most part and i'm looking foward to the rest of this month and christmas break. this is one of those years where i really dont have anything i want that badly. i still have to finish shopping for the rest of my family and peoples. so yeah.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-11-29T19:02:00

2006-11-29T23:02:42Z

i pretty much think brand new is the best band i've listened to in my life. it's hard for me to choose a favorite band, or song, or album but goddamn.. brand new is just too fucking good.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-11-28T15:59:00

2006-11-28T19:59:23Z

so everything is pretty much bad at the moment. i mean... nothing THAT bad. but yeah, pretty much bad nonetheless and i'm unhappy and it sucks. hopefully once christmas rolls in things will change.

The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me... Best CD in history?

2006-11-23T16:43:44Z

Recently I was fortunate enough to receive the new Brand New album because I preordered it and it shipped a day early. After listening to it numerous times its safe to say that its the best album to ever be released and it can very well save mankind. It probably can't, but its still really good.
So far it has been getting mixed reviews. Even those who like the cd have sad "i still like their old stuff better" or even worse, "your favorite weapon is still the best." EEEK ohhh no. People, it's called progression. A band changes their sound for a reason, they dont want to be releasing the same shit over and over again. Now I for one appreciate change and think that the direction Brand New has been going in has only made them better musicians. I still love Your Favorte Weapon and Deja Entendu, but I'm happy they're using a different sound. Hey.. I know a band who's sound changed almost every album, they're called the Beatles.. ever hear of them? Moving on, the first track on the cd is the single Sowing Season which was released a month earlier on their myspace. The song, Jesus Christ, is very important because somehow they were able to use it without Jesus' permission (he's been dead for over two thousand years). The track Degausser, formely known as Take Apart Your Head, was played by them live over some shows over the summer. The thing about this song is every time I hear someone talk about it they have no idea how to pronounce it. I think its 'de-gowz-er' but I could be wrong. It sounds better than 'de-geee-yaaa-zzaa-eeer'. There are two instrumentals on the cd which was kind of completely unneccasary I thought but the other songs make up for it. In tradition with the rest of their cd's the last track is a slow aucoustic song actually written by Vin Accardi and not Jesse Lacey. Lastly I can't decide if this is their best cd. What I can say is that when I go to see them on December 8th it's going to be really annoying having to sit through Dashboard Confessional.
Have a happy thanksgiving peoples.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-10-27T22:16:00

2006-10-28T02:28:21Z

alright so i dont update this anymore because livejournal is actually really bad now. i've been kinda down and up lately. i was really upset that i didnt win homecoming king. everyone coming over was awesome and really bad at the same time because i was just completely intoxicated and was so frustrated at people who just showed up who i didnt invite and i was so annoyed at the people who just like acted as if they should have been invited to my house... like if i dont talk to you dont come to my house. if you show up uninvited and its unexpected and i dont know you, not only will i kick you out of my house, but i will be an asshole too. its really that simple. at least ask.
that annoyed me.

school is tolerable, yet i find it absolutely neccasary to show up to every class grossly unprepared every day. work is bad. but money is good, sadly.

this weekend is gonna be bad cause everyones probably out having fun right now while im at home. hopefully tomorrow night people do something good that includes drugs and alcohol.

the depression of high school ending is starting to set in. i feel like im the only person who has no clue what to do with their future.
like i dont know what i want to be or where i want to live or who i want to be with, i just want to enjoy the moment. but unfortunatly i cant because this world can be a terrible terrible place where good men are condemned and bad men grow rich. oh well.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-10-10T00:40:00

2006-10-10T04:41:57Z

i couldnt sleep, so i answered this answer the survey with lyrics thing. enjoy.

Saves the Day

1.) Are you male or female?:
“There's just something about his smile.”

2.) Describe your neighborhood:
“how shitty this town would be without you in it.”

3.) How do you view yourself?:
“You want to know who I really am?
Yeah, so do I.”

4.) If you could say something to the person you like/love, what would it be?: “Can't you look at me once?
And please if you got a minute,
Enjoy this lonely sky with me.
It'll swallow us whole
If we only let it. “

5.) Where do you wish you were right now?:
“two floors down getting high in the back room.”

6.) What would you say to/about your best friends?:
“And hey-hey, I choose my company
by the beating of their hearts
Not the swelling of their heads”

7.) Any words of wisdom:
“Despair
Can ravage you
If you turn your head around
And look down the path
That's led you here
Cause what can you change?
You're a vessel now
Floating down the waterways”

8.) What do you wish you were doing right now?: “'Cause, hey, this is it
This is where we are
Out here where silence is
Seventy miles an hour, windows up tight
And I am home.”

9.) What do you think of drugs and alcohol?:
“I said I'd walk you home
After our third round
Of pouring whiskey down
The barrel of our guts
Grab hold of your hand
We're up and we're out and
We're yelling through the streets
And I'm out of my fucking mind”

10.) If you could say one thing to your enemy, what would it be?: “Could you tell me the next time that you're choking?
Cause I'll run right over
to shove some dirt right down your throat”

11.) What do you usually do on Friday nights?:
“And I wonder how long it will take
Before I pass out,
Drunk off night skies.”

12.) Are you for world peace?:
“I don't know what to say,
The whole world's burning today. “

13.) What do you think about school?:
“And maybe we kept listing all the people we hated”

14.) How do you feel right now?: “Where we go, will tomorrow know?
Into the vast and empty alleys we proceed”

15.) what was your childhood like?: “Grew up in east LA
Watching celebrities
Living out all her dreams.
The plastic canopy of the U.S. royalty”

16.) Any closing words?:
“The trumpets call out now.
We're home at last.”

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-09-07T20:46:00

2006-09-08T00:51:54Z

well summers finally over. i have to say it ruled pretty hard. first day of school is tomorrow. awesome. i really dont have anything else to say right now. but it has been a good summer and id like to thank everyone who has helped make it awesome. thank you guyz. cya in schooool.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-08-08T08:37:00

2006-08-08T12:49:20Z

here is my livejournal update:
the summer has had its ups and downs. lately i've just been completely indifferent and apathetic while still holding my extremist values of everything is either good or bad. work is annoying but i can tolerate it. david cross is the shit. warped tour was suprisingly amazing. i really didn't think it would be as good as it was. saves the day completely blew my mind and i can't wait to see them again in september. i also really enjoyed thursday, against me!, and gym class heroes. my sister's going away to college soon so its gonna be weird not having her around probably. sometimes i feel like i have trouble communicating with other people. maybe i just cant wait till the last week of august when i'm finished with driver's ed and im off from work for five days. and one of those five days i can stay up the whole night and just wait till around 5 am where i can watch the sun rise like i did the last two summers. it's a pretty powerful experience and i suggest you try it.

so i'm done for now. summer is almost over and although i dont feel miserable right now i do wish i was as happy as i was in the beginning of the summer with school ending and the parties and friends and the maddox book signing and the mornings afternoons and nights i spent with certain people. happiness like that never really stays in my life too long but i must say i am extremely grateful for everything i have right now because i know how much worse things could be, and honestly im not complaining at all. this is just me saying that, i miss things.

so long.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-08-01T11:29:00

2006-08-01T15:30:48Z

you know what i love the most about summer? how every day for the past week i've woken up with a cold and just when i started to heal... I GET CONJUNCTIVITIS!(commonly refered to as "pink-eye")

absolutely marvelous.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-07-22T12:00:00

2006-07-22T16:03:09Z

summer's only half way over really.
i think i'll make it out alive.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-07-06T10:25:00

2006-07-06T14:29:57Z

blah i dont feel like updating conjugal visits or writing anything funny right now because im just not in a funny mood lately.

two things i want to discuss with everyone.
1.) is it okay that i want to get drunk and party every single night of summer?

2.) my dad used the phrase, "politically incorrect" yesterday. it gets used alot(ex. Bill Maher thinks hes "politically incorrect" and edgy, but hes actually just a douche) but i'd just like to know how, when we live in a country where we have innumerable freedoms, how something can be construed as "politically incorrect"? is there some status quo on this that i dont know about or something?

give me feedback guys, and by guys i mean the people who read my journal which i guess is just the people on my friends list who are gonna see this unwillingly and kait peters. so yeah. just lemme me know.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-07-03T01:46:00

2006-07-03T05:47:29Z

this is the obligatory entry where i talk about how much my life sucks right now.
it sucks cause things were going good, blah blah blah blah blah blah.

sigh. oh well.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-06-29T16:19:00

2006-06-29T20:23:22Z

my report card was good. work isnt so bad. i'm doing pretty well i'd say.

also,
if you enjoy some of the funnier things i write in this journal please check out Conjugal Visits. It's a journal where me and my two other friends will be updating with funny stories.

xjohnxclydex @ 2006-06-25T00:32:00

2006-06-25T04:33:07Z

the last few days have just been absolutely incredible and i really cant thank everyone enough for making them possible. work isnt even that bad, and i think my happiness has something to do with it. ahh well.. summer is good. i'm happy.