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[18 Jun 2008|02:39pm] |
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music |
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ben folds - brick |
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alright so i dont know if im ready to start writing in this again. ive had a writers block since before i went to college, and now its been just about a year since i really last wrote anything.
i started an entry that i never posted, the night before i left college. it got saved and popped up when i went to post this entry.
"i can't believe how sad it is saying goodbye to all my friends. i always knew this day would come and i guess i was preparing for a while but man... this is so difficult"
makes me think of how sad it was to say goodbye, and how much things have changed in a year. i feel like a completely different person than i am now.
i realized one reason i dont write in this anymore is cause i really stopped listening to music. i mean i didnt STOP listening to music all together, but i stopped really listening to it. well im getting into it again and its getting me to be more "inspired" or whatever. well if anyone still reads this or anything that'd be cool, ill try to update it more.
OH and how can i forget todays my 19th birthday. sooo happy birthday to me!
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[31 Jul 2007|04:14pm] |
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music |
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pink floyd, smashing pumpkins |
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so what a summer it has been so far. i'll begin by discussing what has just happened to me. if anyone reading this hasnt heard i spent the last few nights in the hospital recovering from a virus that ended up in my heart. i had been suffering from a fever for a few nights and to make a long story short i ended up having extremely intense chest pain that was basically crippelling. i went to the emergency room where they ended up doing tests and what not and they decided to send me to schneider's children's hospital because of the condition. i went in friday night and i came home monday night. basically it was a terrible experience. its not even one of those experiences where it's like "oh it was terrible, but i did learn alot", not at all actually. i mean i guess i did learn alot and it made me really appreciate what doctors and nurses do for people, but honestly i wish it didnt happen at all. i wouldnt wish what happened to me upon my worst enemy. but i'm home now. and i should be good.
the most important thing to me right now is thanking everyone who showed their concern, especially all my friends and family who came and stayed with me. you have no idea how much i appreciate it and i hope you all know i'll be there for you whenever you need me.
during my time in the hospital i did get to think alot. i thought alot about what i'm going to do now taht i'm going to college. and how excited i am to be going away. i've honestly never felt this way before because for so long i wanted to stay young forever. now i finally feel like things have changed and i wanna go away more than anyhting and start a new life. i loved high school more than anything. it feels so weird to be considered an adult now. it's like.. i'll watch tv shows and movies about teenagers and for so long, even as a kid, i could relate to them. now that i'm considered an adult now its harder for me to relate.
but yeah i'll be going away soon. i dont know how much longer im going to keep updating this because i've had it now for a good three years. until then ill cya all.
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[24 May 2007|11:31pm] |
i'm about to hang up my clothes for the last day of high school. finally the routine of laying out my uniform every day is over. it feels so weird. it's really the only thing i've ever known. but now it's finally over.
it's funny how things work. i remember when i first made this livejournal in may of freshman year i always imagined how my posts would be as a senior leaving high school and now its happening.
tomorrow i'll be at the beach at around 5 am to watch the sunrise with my classmates and it should be a pretty awesome experience, i've always wanted to do it. but yeah the next couple of days are gonna be pretty monumental. i'll write more about them when they happen..
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[17 May 2007|12:18am] |
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It was one moment I swear I’ll never forget. We were all together in that backyard for probably one of the last times ever. It was easily one of the hottest days of the summer. The sun beating down heavily, but it wasn’t the heat that carried it, it was its brightness. It was in that one moment that I turned around and looked at everyone, sitting or standing, laughing or frowning, talking or being silent. It was in that moment with the people I spent these last four years. Some of whom I spent most of my life with and now we were finally going on to be adults. I looked at all of these people who help shape my life with me. Then I suddenly felt like a teenager again, and then I suddenly felt like a kid again! I realized that even though I didn’t live in that backyard it was still a place I could call home, and that’s how I'd always feel about it. As I finished looking at everyone I looked at the sun, and I let it carry me away with it’s brightness.
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[02 Apr 2007|10:49pm] |
I did this a long while ago. I can't even find mine anymore so I updated it. enjoy..
THE SOUNDTRACK TO THE LIFE OF BRIAN LUPO as of 4/2/2007
opening credits:: "The Mars Volta – Son Et Lumiere..Inertiatic E.S.P"
waking-up scene:: "Say Anything – Yellow Cat/Red Cat”
average-day scene:: "Queen – I Want to Break Free"
best-friend scene/walking down school hallway scene:: "Scraps and Heart Attacks – My Point"
first-date scene:: "Say Anything – Wow, I Can Be Sexual Too"
falling-in-love scene:: "Saves the Day – I’m Sorry I’m Leaving"
dancing around on the bed scene:: "Blink 182 – Going Away to College"
love making scene:: "Ludacris – What’s Your Fantasy"
fight-with-friend scene:: "The Bled – Red Wedding"
break-up scene:: "Smashing Pumpkins - Landslide"
get-back-together:: " The Beach Boys – God Only Knows "
fight-with-an-ex scene:: "Glassjaw – Lovebites and Razorlines"
"life's okay" scene:: "Dustin Kensrue – Consider the Ravens"
heartbreak scene:: "Saves the Day – Sell My Old Clothes I’m Off To Heaven"
mental breakdown scene:: "All Shall Perish – Wage Slaves"
driving scene:: "Dem Franchise Boyz – Ridin’ Rims
deep-thought scene:: "Johnny Cash – Sunday Morning Coming Down”
flashback scene:: "Radiohead – Karma Police"
party scene:: "T.I. – What You Know About That"
dance scene:: "Sugarhill Gang – Apache”
stoner scene:: "Three 6 Mafia – Stay Fly"
regret scene:: "Taking Back Sunday – There’s No ‘I’ In Team"
long-night-alone scene:: "American Football - Stay Home"
crushed scene:: "Thursday – Understanding in a Car Crash"
death scene:: "Brand New – Untitled 03"
closing credits:: "Against Me! – The Disco Before the Breakdown"
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[24 Mar 2007|01:03am] |
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dissapointment
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[20 Mar 2007|02:39pm] |
alright well i dont really know what i'm writing right now. but i want to write because i've been thinking alot lately (i think alot if you didn't already know), and i realized that i'm happier and more content with myself when i'm reading and writing. i really havent picked up a book in months but i remember points where when i was reading and writing i was really just so damn happy. its hard for me to say that i'm unhappy, but i have been going through some pretty terrible mood swings and it sucks.
i'm coming to the realization that high school is ending and its really hitting me hard. high school is really the period of time between innocence and maturity and now that its almost over i think i'm always going to look back at it like that. senior year has been alot of fun so far. probably the most fun i've had in my life. it's also come with certain dissapointments. i feel like before the year really got going i put an image in my mind of how it was going to end, and now i know that image aint gonna happen. unfortunatly i have to keep doing the bullshit work and assignments i keep getting handed to me. all with thirty something days left i really have no motivation to do any of it. i still need to figure out what college i'm going to. i'm visiting cortland next week and besides that my only other decision really is going to nyit in manhattan. honestly right now im favoring nyit. it sucks that its more money but i feel like i'll be better off there in the long run. i also have the option of staying home and going to farmingdale but i really cant bring myself to stay home any longer. i know that if i dont leave home now i'll regret it. i have basically two months left of senior year and really right now i just gotta get my whole act together and graduate and get everything to be alright. i have to get over my whole "misguided" teen attitude and stop acting like i'm holden caulfield and start moving on.
when someone important told me that they saw success in me earlier this year i was pretty confused. mainly because i wasnt sure if i saw success in myself. but i guess i'll find out soon enough wont i?
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